So there I was sitting on the front steps at four o clock in the morning with my boyfriend next to me not knowing where to go or what to do. I was so mad and disappointed in him that I couldn't even form words. Not even in Jersey for 24 hours yet and already having issues that could have been avoided. (This is usually when people close to me say that's what I get for being with someone five years younger than me. Perhaps they are right...sometimes) The next few days were spent walking the very hot streets of Rahway, sleeping in cars, sneaking around and barely eating or showering. Not at all my idea of fun. The biggest issue was that my boyfriend paid for my ticket to get out there, and he didn't get paid again until a week after I got there. Not good.
I believe I arrived in NJ on a Wednesday. From Wednesday to Friday we did the best we could with the situation. I was miserable. It was over 100 degrees outside, I had no money, barely any food, barely enough to drink and was starting to feel terrible. Of course, this led to arguments between me and my BF. I felt like he had no right to even argue with me because if he did what he said he was going to do, we wouldn't be in that situation. At the same time, I should have just stayed in Pennsylvania. Anyway, Saturday comes around and I'm at my wits end. I wind up standing in the street crying probably on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I wanted to go home. I didn't realize it, but he called my cousin. I'm not sure what he said to her, but she bought me a ticket to go back home Sunday morning. I was so happy and relieved. All I had to do was make it through one more night. Easy as pie...yeah right!
I think that may have been the hottest day of that week and being outside was taking it's toll on me. My BF snuck us into one of his father's houses, and of course he just happened to come there and find us and swiftly tossed us out on our asses. The rest of the day was spent walking around. I kept trying to tell my BF that I was getting tired of walking around, but I guess he just thought I was whining about nothing. The day started to turn into night, and we ran into one of his friends. He was at a bar we were walking past and he asked if we wanted to come in. I jumped at the chance because the bar was air conditioned. Any relief I could get from the heat was welcome. We went into the bar and his friend offered us a drink. My BF got a beer and I got a glass of wine that I really didn't want. I drank about half the glass of wine and gave the rest to him. I just wanted to sit back and enjoy the air while I could. We were in there for maybe 30-45 minutes and reluctantly left. As soon as I stepped outside I felt odd. I told him that I didn't feel right, but we really had no place to go and had to walk to get back to the spot we were sitting at all day. We walked back to the spot and sat there and hung out with one of his friends. It was completely dark out by now and we had to find some place to go. We figured we could either sit in the train station all night or sneak back into his mother's car. Either way, we had a walk ahead of us. I pushed myself off of the unit that I was sitting on, and the world went snowy. I vaguely remember saying "Babe, I think I'm about to p..." The world went black.
Most of the rest of this night is fuzzy to me, so what I remember is either a fuzzy image in my head, or something that was told to me later on. What I do remember is feeling like I lost time. I felt as though I had blinked, but when I opened my eyes I was on the ground with my shirt pulled halfway up covered in liquid. My BF was hovering over me trying to wake me up. I was very confused. I sat up and tried to focus on his face, but I just couldn't get my brain to tell me who he was. I felt fond of him and he was very concerned about me, but my brain was not connecting the dots very well. Then, just like that, the world went black again. This time I blinked (or it seemed like it) and opened my eyes and my shirt was pulled all the way off and liquid had been poured onto my abdomen and face. My BF tried to help me up and he told me that I looked at him and said "I don't know who you are but I love you too." He was saying something like "Baby please wake up, I love you" over and over again. I couldn't hear him very well because my ears seemed to be blocking out all sound, or at least most sounds. Trying to listen to things was kind of like having cotton in my ears. I got up and started trying to walk around a little. I sat down on some stairs and tried to get my bearings. Then I heard sirens. I didn't know why I heard sirens but I did know that I was on somebody else's property and there was a chance that with all the commotion, they called the cops. So what did I do? Took off running. I ran into a dark parking lot and started to feel dizzy. Instead of passing out I ducked between two cars and just knelt down and put my head down. I could hear my BF calling me but I refused to answer. I didn't really know who he was either. I was freaked out and very afraid. I thought I was losing my mind. He eventually found me and told me that the sirens were an ambulance and police because they dialed 911. I was still afraid and just didn't want to go to the hospital. I had enough of my brain left to remember that I was unemployed and uninsured. So we gathered up my things and set off walking toward the train station.
I was trying to walk fast to get out of the area, but he wanted me to slow down. He said that walking fast would just draw attention to us, not to mention possibly make me pass out again. So I slowed down. We were walking about ten minutes when I started to feel "not right" again. I literally sat down in the middle of an abandoned parking lot and tried to wait it out. BF spotted a little bench across the street that you sit on to wait for city buses and he helped me up and helped me walk across the street to the bench. I got to the bench and sat down and slowly started to feel my brain malfunctioning again. I lifted my shirt a little and put my back against the glass hoping to feel some coolness. I found some cookies in my bag and thought maybe my blood sugar was low. I started to try to eat the cookies which was more difficult than I thought because my mouth was very dry. I started to feel better, and then worse again. I could feel myself about to pass out and conveyed the message as best I could to my BF. Next thing I know I hear him running and chasing cars down to try to get a ride to the hospital. Surprise surprise, nobody wanted to help. Eventually he called 911 again and the ambulance was on their way. A police officer came first and gave me some oxygen. It helped, but not as much as I thought it would. I could feel the darkness creeping over me again. A few minutes later the ambulance arrived. They came over to me and told me to get up and get on the stretcher that they had for me. I was very weak and confused by then and just couldn't muster up the energy to move. When I opened my eyes to look around my vision was snowy around the edges. I could not ever describe any of the faces around me because I could barely see them. I stood up (with help) and slowly walked over to the stretcher. When I finally made it to the stretcher, I couldn't figure out how the hell I was going to hoist myself up onto it. I just stood there looking at it unable to speak. I could hear my BF hysterically saying something, but I couldn't hear him very well. All I know is the world started to spin and my body started to slide toward the ground. Hands grabbed me and tried to help me, and I was lost inside of my own brain. I could not move or talk or open my eyes. I felt unconscious, but I could hear what everybody around me was saying. They kept talking to me trying to make me snap out of it, but I just couldn't do anymore. I had done all I could so and said all I could say.
Well they gave up (temporarily) on trying to get me to talk and decided to start to work on me. They took my heart rate and blood pressure. I remember later seeing that my blood pressure 90/40. I am still unsure of how bad that is, but I know it's bad. What I also remember was hearing them say they had to give me an IV...now that woke me up! I hate IVs. I have very small veins that do not do well when IVs are being shoved into them. I slowly opened my eyes and gave the girl to my left a pleading look. She noticed me looking at her and told the lady to my right. She proceeded to ask me a lot of questions again. Before I could answer any of them, I turned my head again and said "Please don't give me an IV, and if you must, please DO NOT put it in my hand." She said she would try my arm first, but I was very dehydrated and she had to get it in the best way she could...she put it in my damn hand. Not only did she put it in my hand, but they had the fluids running at full speed to try to rush the liquids into my system. I guess that should have told me just how dehydrated I was. They asked me what I was doing outside, how long I had been outside, if I had eaten, had I been drinking water, and so on and so on. I answered the questions as best as I could and then slowly my mind drifted off and a face came into focus in my brain. "Oh my God...where is ________???" I was asking for my BF. I finally remembered him and had no clue where he was. They told me he was riding with the driver and I felt relief wash over me. I remembered the panic in his face from earlier and wanted him to know I was getting help.
We arrived at the hospital where they ran all kinds of tests on me and pumped me full of IV fluids. I felt like I was just escaping death. I had no energy, I was sweaty, my knees and elbows were scraped up and hurting from passing out, and I could barely stay awake. This had to be the worst night of my life. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. I have been intoxicated to the fullest and had never gone through this type of thing. It turns out that I was dehydrated, had a 90/40 blood pressure drop, was suffering from heat exhaustion and had a UTI. Perfect. What else could go wrong? I was in and out of consciousness for the rest of the night and was released early the next morning. The day is so blurry that I think we took a cab to the train station. We sat there until it was time for my train to come and I was glad to get the hell out of there. I felt like absolute crap and vowed never to spend another minute in NJ. Of course, I could never keep that vow because my children live in NJ. At least for the time being I had the illusion that I was never coming back to NJ again.
I arrived back in PA and my cousin picked me up in Harrisburg. As much as I felt like it was strange, I was glad to be back "home." I had a place to sleep and food to eat and air conditioning. For the next week or so I was very fatigued and my damn hand hurt. I also felt like I was going to pass out every single time I stood up, so I did a good job of keeping still. My cousin told me how foolish it was of me to go to NJ with hardly any money and no definitive place to stay. I agreed. I was very upset about the whole situation. The more I thought about it the more upset that I got. With myself and with my BF. Things could have gone smoothly if he had simply done what he said he would do. Talking to him was no good either. He had an attitude and was not being very nice to me. Things were going downhill very fast and I was ready to just deal with the pain and break up. So I told him it was over...
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